Tuesday, August 2, 2011

[Marathi Songs] GOOOOOOOOOOD

 
Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
beggar.jpg
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!
***********************

Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
tvshow.jpg
Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line “Phone a friend.â€
Kisko call karengy?
Pathan: Apne baap dilawar ko!
********************
Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky ne socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss ne kis naam se save kya hai?
cellphone.jpg
Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha Murgha No.5? Calling .
*********************
Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
pappu.jpg
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, Hey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de
************************
Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
fat.jpg
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon. 
******************************

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots,

But they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.....

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem.  I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying...  That phrase...  In no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day,
She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....

As he ushered her in,
She saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...

Impressed,
She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...

After a few minutes,
The female parrots cried out in unison:

Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence...

Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,


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'Put the beads away, Frank,
Our prayers have been answered
 


BOY: A, B, C
GIRL: What?

BOY: Always Be Careful
GIRL: ahan then?

BOY: D, E, F, G
...Girl : ??

BOY: Don't Ever Forget That
GIRL: ForGet That

BOY: I'm H, I
Girl: What H, I ?

BOY: Happilly Inlove
GIRL: so

BOY: J, K, L, M, Just Keep Loving
Me

GIRL: and how about N, O, P, Q,
R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z ?

BOY: No Other Person Quite,
Reasonable,Shall Treat U Very
Well Xcept me You'll
Zee
 
Punjabi ABC - Funny


This one's not just for Punjabis but for all those who have faced 'Punjlish'.
A is for Aiscreame

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an
instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or
whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its
first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.

D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'

E is for Expanditure, the spending of money

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is
actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course).

G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder's taxi.)

H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P..

J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')

L is for Loin, the king of the jungle

M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.

N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).

P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslateable into Punjabi.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi . (The other half by their Pappas - like 'Sweetie de Pappa di Gaddi')

T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.

U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.

W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.

Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.
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